Monday, May 3, 2010
Mother's Day Moping
Yesterday Doug asked me what I wanted to do for Mother's Day. I looked at him with my attempt at a brave face, which on me translates to pitiful with a side of moping, and said "nothing much". The thing is I'm quite good at moping. After a few years you almost look forward to walking around all drippy, gorging yourself on junk food, and rereading books from your years as a wild and crazy teen. Moping is highly underrated.
Mother's Day again... I'm not really sure how I feel about it this year. After all we're getting closer, the room is coming together, and I have made some amazing friends through this process. It's exciting! On the other hand, I picture us in this limbo forever. I'm not sure I can see the ending. Our adoption has been so unpredictable that I feel silly counting my chickens before they hatch.
Another year, and I suppose I'm a little more defeated. Amongst all the celebration and referrals, there is still a part of me that's terrified this will truly never come to pass. That's ok though. This is hard and painful, and wonderful and exciting, and all those things can live inside me simultaneously. While the garden is blooming, and the lilac smells sweetly, sometimes a little bit of discontentment still plants it's seeds.
So as another Mother's day approaches, and my hope for the next one begins, I will wrap my anticipation and sorrow, laughter and grief in the brightly coloured cloak of sisterhood. I am always thinking of the women in this with me. All those incredible, strong women waiting and praying for their Mother's day filled with tiny fingers and toes. You are never more than a thought away from my prayers, and my hope for your family is forever lingering near my heart. Much love to you all.