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Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Little Rain Cloud





I'm often jealous of those who have children. Especially those who have never dealt with infertility. Many of us arrived at this moment after years of grief and I think we were changed long before Imagine went bankrupt. We'd discovered our strength before any of the new Ethiopian requirements were made. We'd already lost so much.

We'd already learned to live with feeling helpless and what it means to feel your world shaken and still carry on the next day. Each time bad news arrives I feel I've had years to prepare for the uncertain. Years to pick up the pieces of my broken heart once more. I'm not saying it's easy, it's damn hard at times. It's exhausting and sometimes the tears surprise me. My raw anger at the situation shocks me, but I get through it. We all do.

My marriage has survived years of infertility and a very rocky adoption. I guess after all this I feel like a survivor. I'm proud of my strength.

Today marks 20 months since our dossier arrived in Ethiopia. Today we also received an update that didn't give us any answers. Today I will mope and have a long talk with some food about my frustration.

Tomorrow I will pick myself up, carry on with as much dignity as I can muster, and be amazed at what a wonderful life we have built together. I understand this process. I understand this grief. I understand just how strong I am.

Love, J xx

4 comments:

  1. You ARE strong, Jessa. As we so often say in this roller coaster of a ride, this is not for the faint-hearted...any you are NOT faint-hearted, my friend.

    Hang in there...and I know you will.

    BLessings,

    Ruth

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  2. Ruth, Thank you so very much. You are one of my inspirations in all of this, and I am so extremely glad to have *met* you. You are amazing.

    Love, Jessa xx

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  3. An update with no information? Way to torment you.
    May I suggest a strawberry basil mojito? I used this recipe and followed my intuition with the strawberry addition.

    I'm really looking forward to our trip!! We will find you that rug!

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  4. You are awesome Anya!!! I am so excited I can't even tell you! Yes, our eyes will be peeled for that rug. ; ) xx

    ReplyDelete

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