Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The paper cuts on my heart

We received THE e-mail. You know... The one informing us we need to update all our paperwork. I whined on facebook, I whined to my mother, I whined to my husband, and now I'm whining to all of you. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!!!!! There, much better.

For those who may not know, our dossier expires after two years from arriving in Ethiopia. Prior to that expiration we're required to update everything. I do mean EVERYTHING!

I was actually surprised about the maturity with which I was handling it for the first couple of hours. I was whiny, sure, but I was also rather organized printing out the list, posting it on the fridge, and e-mailing our agency. I was very methodical and calm. Then I e-mailed two of our references for new letters. Isn't it odd the things that set you off?

I was writing this e-mail asking them if they would write new letters and tears start prickling my eyes. Next thing I know I can feel one lightly hit my cheek. It never went beyond a few tears sliding down my face, but it felt momentous. I don't want to be all melodramatic about the whole thing, but it feels like a big deal. It was a big deal to do it all the first time, why wouldn't it be the second time? As you can see, I'm still in a relatively whiny place.

The one thing that brightened all of this for me was this line:

It is still possible that we will be in the position to present you with a referral before your dossier expires, and the updated documents will not be necessary. However, we have no way of knowing for sure if a referral for your family will come in time.

Our board meeting minutes came yesterday as well and they are signing on a new orphanage which is fantastic news! I can't help but feel hopeful our referral may come sooner than later. The thing about hope though is that it's not always a good thing. I'll do more on that at a later date, but I think those of you who've dealt with infertility will probably understand how hope can become a double edged sword.

I'm off today to acquire more paper cuts and spend more money! It's all good though, because I know my child is worth a million paper cuts, a million tears, and a million heartaches. They are worth all of that and much much more.

Have a lovely Thursday,
Jessalyn Hope (I bet you didn't know Hope is actually my middle name) ♥

Ps. My Salt review is coming up tomorrow!

Image from


  1. That's really exciting news about a second orphanage!

    I'm sorry you have to go through all this paperwork updating. I wish I could help in some way. Let me know if I can. For now, I'll just keep up with the love-vibes ;)

  2. Yeah, it sucks, Jessa. We did our renewal a few months ago and it just felt to horrible to have to do it all again - who would have thought that it would take this long, right??!! But we never even had the hopeful comment that you got from Imagine - that was REALLY nice to hear, I'll bet! Who knows, with this new (exclusive) orphanage being signed on, your referral may happen sooner than you think! I'm hoping that for you, anyway.

    So...get to work and get that puppy done so that nothing can possibly interfere with your process...just in case. It's gonna happen, Jessa.


  3. Thanks so much Ruth! It's always nice to know I'm not alone feeling overwhelmed. It is so crazy it's taken so long! I never thought we'd be in this position! I know it's a much better position than last year thank God, but it still hurts sometimes...

    I wasn't sure if the last bit was something they put in everyone's e-mail or not. I was hoping it meant something, but I didn't want to get too hopeful if it was just standard.

    I am so grateful for these friendships though. They truly keep me going.



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