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Friday, July 2, 2010

Twilight Is Not a Vampire Movie









That's right, I said it. I'll even say it again. Twilight is not a Vampire movie. Recently I was outed as a vampire snob (I wear the label proudly). While that is in fact completely 100% accurate, my dislike of Twilight has nothing to do with vampire snobbery because as previously stated it's not a vampire movie. I know I'm making highly inflammatory remarks right now, but bear with me.

When I was 5 I loved Gloworm. This little guy with his smiley face and green body was my favourite. I adored him so much I put "lipstick" (aka nail polish) on him one day giving him a blood red mouth. At night when I would squeeze my little lovebug his face would light up and with it the smiley mouth caked in what appeared to be blood. He looked more frightening in that moment than any vampire in Twilight.

Exhibit A. Vampires do not sparkle in the sunlight. My little ponies sparkle, and my Rainbow Brite Doll certainly did, but Vampires turn to dust.

Exhibit B. See exhibit A. I need no further evidence than that. If you're still unconvinced I remind you that they are called "Creatures of the Night". Key word being night.

I realize I'm waging war against Team Edward and that teenage werewolf (who is nowhere near as cool as Michael J Fox as teenwolf of even Oz from BTVS), but on behalf of Team Twilight Makes Bram Stoker Sad I feel obligated to speak up.

In the words of the fabulous and cheeky Lauren Bacall

“Yes, I saw ‘Twilight’ – my granddaughter made me watch it, she said it was the greatest vampire film ever. After the ‘film’ was over I wanted to smack her across her head with my shoe, but I do not want a (tell-all) book called Grannie Dearest written on me when I die. So instead I gave her a DVD of Murnau’s 1922 masterpiece ‘Nosferatu’ and told her, ‘Now that’s a vampire film!’ And that goes for all of you! Watch ‘Nosferatu’ instead!”


Lecture over, you are all dismissed. Homework includes watching all of the above.




Noseferatu for your viewing pleasure:




Here's on of my favourite vampires Barnabas Collins from Dark Shadows.



Have a fabulous weekend everyone and remember : You're safe from vampires in daylight because sunshine kills them. xx

4 comments:

  1. Brave or crazy to commit these words to a screen where they can be seen by others? I say crazy brave and crazy brave is always admirable. ;)

    Chris
    (Who does not get the Twilight thing at all.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol! Yes, I am definitely putting my life on the line here with these statements. If you don't see a new blog from me by next week, call the police. ; )

    Nice to see you here Chris!!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahhh Jessa, as the one who 'outed you,' I will simply say, with sincere desire to patronize, that YOU HAVE SO MUCH YET TO LEARN. I don't understand the Twilight hype myself, but oh, I DID enjoy the movies!

    You're forgiven. lol.

    Ruth

    ReplyDelete
  4. You can patronize me Ruth, but no one can patronize Lauren Bacall. ; )


    xx

    ReplyDelete

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