Monday, September 27, 2010

It's My Blog & I'll Cry If I Want To.

Goodbye My Love

I love my crib. Ordering my crib had me floating on air for days. When my crib arrived and they set it up for me I was beside myself with enthusiasm. This was my dream crib and I was smitten with the idea it would soon be filled.

After a year of constant set backs and trying to put myself back into the land of the living this one has throw me for a huge unpleasant loop. My crib has been recalled. This feels so fucking ominous. I was just about ready to face the fact it may be another year until we see a referral, let alone bring home our child and then this happens. The thing is, as someone in love with interior design doing the nursery has been a highlight for me. Ordering our crib was just about the best thing to happen to me all year. I'm a total head case about this at the moment. I refuse to wait and keep our room empty (good Lord my heart cringes at the idea of that again) and while I know I can probably find a new four poster crib I don't want to. I want to throw a tantrum of epic proportions and scream "Enough already!!!!" I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Please don't take the one thing that has made this year bearable. Please don't.

None the less, protests or no protests, they are coming to take my crib and I will need to decide on a new one. I'm going to go sit in my nursery and have a good cry, and maybe tomorrow I can pick myself up once again and at least pretend for now my heart isn't in pieces about this. Funny the things that can break you...


  1. When the kids are being too rough with the toys, books, etc. that they have been blessed, with I say to them, "I know that it is just stuff, but..."

    Because as much as it is "just stuff" someone took the time to pick it just for them. This person, be it a parent, grandparent, or friend worked and paid for it.

    Often our "just stuff" is more. It is symbolic. Of hope. Of the light at the end. Of friendship. Of a loved one or even of love itself. Sometimes stuff is irreplaceable and it takes a little piece of us. My heart aches for you right now.

    Sometimes stuff is just stuff, but sometimes, this time, it is not.

    Love you Jessa.

  2. I can imagine that it must feel awful. Try not to take it as a sign against you. There are recalls on everything child related at some point. We have sent back carseats, highchairs, thimas the tank toys, dora toys, polly pockets. Can you see if they will be producing "your crib" without the defect?

  3. I really believe things will get better for you! Hang in there. It is going to be worth it in the end. <3

  4. You go ahead and scream girl (and have a good cry) and if you want someone to yell with...
    you give me a call and I will come over and maybe we can have some tea and a good rant.

  5. Thanks everyone! Celeste I would love to have you over for tea! I'm free most days just name the time! xx

  6. Well that just sucks. Kick it before they pick it up. Good and hard. And then say.. Dang you crib... I am so glad you got re-called before I let my precious baby sleep in it. I am so grateful for you to be re-called before it was my child that got hurt or died sleeping in you. And then kick it again for good mesure and say.. "that is for the kid your crib-relative did hurt/kill"
    and kick it once more.. for me.

  7. Aw, the crib recall is sad news! Allow yourself to morn it. Don't keep the feelings bottled up. Pamper yourself a little and remember to breath.

    Keep in mind that these feelings will pass...I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The adoption process isn't an easy one, but I have confidence that one day you will look back on this and know that it was worth it.

  8. Thank you Aly and Rachel! I'm feeling much better today thankfully! ; )

    Aly, I totally should have put this disclaimer at the top but no babies died in it! The crib has not been recalled for anything involving death or suffocation thankfully! Nothing even close to that serious, I was worried about that when they phoned as well. It's so awful things like that do happen though. xx

  9. Aw, that's really sad. It's a gorgeous crib for sure. It's much more than a piece of furniture, it's symbolic of all your hopes and dreams, and now it's symbolic of losing all those dreams. I get it.

    It's not on par with a big thing like a crib, but at the time of the bankruptcy I just couldn't bear to look at this one pair of boy's shoes that I had purchased. Weird, I know, but there was something about those shoes that just made me cry and cry and cry. I guess I'd somehow attached myself to the vision of our son wearing those shoes, getting them all muddy, wearing down the heels... and the thought of nobody ever wearing those things just totally devastated me. It didn't make much sense, but who says our feelings have to make sense to be valid??!

    I'm sorry you've had to start looking for another crib. :( Hope you can find another one that you love just as much for your sweet little one.

  10. Thank you so much Gwen. I understand perfectly what you mean about the shoes... I think those things become pieces of this dream and they do carry a large emotional response. I was so thankful our room was not done at the time of the bankruptcy. I do find though with all the set backs this year that room definitely has it's sad days. I have loved doing it though. That crib was such a big deal for us! I am very sad to let it go. xx


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