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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Disheartened



Grouting sadly was a bigger job than we thought and the new handles are not on yet. I apologize for there being no new photos today.

Instead there is just a fairly miserable women waiting for a referral and realizing it may be even longer than I had thought. Today's update while having many good points left me feeling cold. I sort of thought waiting two years for our referral from the time our dossier arrived in Ethiopia was completely crazy. However, now realizing even two and half years may not be realistic has put a dagger in my heart. The thought it will be another year before our child is home and seven from the time we started trying to build a family is too much for me today.

I am so sad...

ps. If one person says when the time is right or any such thing I will blow a fuse. I don't believe in divine timing and at the moment I don't have enough energy or grace to even nod my head and grit my teeth. I am angry and frustrated.

7 comments:

  1. I, too, become more and more restless and frustrated and sad with every delay. In some situations, I do believe in Divine timing - that for some, perhaps various delays MAY lead where they "need" to be in the end. BUT I also really, really believe that in this crazy world of ours, crummy things very simply just happen...all the time. To say that "Divine timing" explains all the adoption delays and things that go wrong doesn't entirely make sense, unless you also believe that children should be separated from their families of birth and need to be adopted in the first place. In an ideal world this would not happen, and all this messiness we experience is not Divine intent. The human race has all kinds of freedom to do good and bad, and make mistakes, and be imperfect, and this adoption journey and all its obvious flaws and imperfections certainly demonstrates that. So yes, I do think/feel/believe it is just very crappy that the process is slow and labourious and full of un-prettiness. Anyway, just wanted to touch base, and say to go ahead and feel like you do today. And also...thanks for the thoughtfulness and energy you put into this blog, and making it a place of honesty, beauty, and connection for so many!

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  2. Joy, I agree with everything you just wrote. I do believe in some cases divine timing exists, but that blanket statement has been said so many times in this and it infuriates me when there has been so much human error in our process.

    What you wrote about my blog sincerely has touched me more than I can say. I feel so weak today and you literally have moved me to tears with your kindness.

    Thank you so very much Jessa xx

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  3. I will keep your grouting experience in my mind if I ever think I can take it on myself.

    When they gave you this new wait time, did they factor in the new orphanage? Man! People keep asking me why it takes so long. Do you mind explaining it? Does it take long in any country (including Canada?) or is Ethiopia being extra hard?

    You and Doug are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I can't wait for your little one to get here!

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  4. Anya, unfortunately adoption can change for any country at any time. When we started this process there was a 3-6 month time line for a referral and now it's almost two years for us. Within Canada it can take years. It is a different system all together because you are chosen by the birth parents. This could mean a couple months or you might never get chosen. Each country has their own issues and requirements. Country programs can close without notice, or as the case with Ethiopia there have been bans placed on certain regions and now new paper work requirements which can take several months to acquire. a few years ago international adoption looked very different than it does today, and as one agency pointed out to me they can no longer guarantee you'll end up with a child. The system has become too uncertain.

    The several month delay does involve the new orphanage. With the new paper work required, they need to collect it before they give us the referral. This may mean several months, and also means being referred a child under 6 months is no longer realistic.

    Adoption is definitely not for the faint of heart, and unfortunately the adoption path you choose to follow can completely change at any time.

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  5. I really hope you feel better soon! Having been through some interesting processes myself (nothing as heart-wrenching/and hopefully rewarding as the one you are going through) I do know that being patient through these processes is SO FRIGGIN HARD sometimes. Thinking of you! ♥

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  6. I'm so sorry lady... I hate all the waiting in all of this. It just shouldn't be so hard! :(

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  7. Wendy, that's exactly what it is!! I'm still shocked to think I will have spent the better part of a decade trying to have a child. Ah... some days just aren't easy.

    S.I.F I know how well you understand. Thank you for your support, this really shouldn't be as hard as it is. It's crazy making. xx

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