Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Hairy Situation
Could I actually do an entire post on my hair? Yes, yes I can. I recently said good bye to 10 inches of hair. This was fairy momentous for me.
The first time I had short hair I was 8 and wanted to look like Peter Pan. That kid was so cool!! I loved the clothes, the haircut, the sword fighting. He was a bad ass and I wanted to look like him. I regret nothing.
The second time I cut my hair short was grade 11 in an effort to like Winona Ryder in Reality Bites. The day I went to cut it off the boy I had a crush on told me boys didn't like girls with short hair. I did it anyways. It was a moment of ballsyness I will forever cherish. I loved it even though I spent the next 16 years growing it long. I was rather attached to having long hair as a way of feeling womanly.
I've previously discussed how I felt infertility stripped me of my femininity. I guess in a way my already deep commitment to my hair became amplified, as though having long hair reaffirmed that I am a woman. As superficial as it all sounds I think I really have used it as a crutch to feel sexy. I've also always felt odd looking. I have really strong features inherited from my father and it's taken me a while to embrace that. To feel good about being distinctive.
Cutting off my hair felt very liberating in a couple ways. The first was I can no longer hide behind it. I feel a bit naked to be honest. The second was I wasn't sure it would look good. I thought about wimping out and not cutting it so short but I wanted to prove to myself that I could. That I could let go of something I felt defined me and even if it looked like crap I would be fine with looking less than stellar. I wanted to challenge my own view of myself and really feel like my femininity and sex appeal was something beyond any physical part of me. I've always said the brain is the sexiest part of a person and I felt like this was a good chance to really prove that to myself. Now it's not like I shaved my head or anything but to me this was major. I'm someone who has cried over two inches of hair being cut off. I am a HUGE hair wimp. Sitting in that chair and not even flinching as I watched my hair fall to the floor was a growing experience.
Every time I strip away some superficial piece of myself that I've attached way too much importance too I feel more whole. I feel more confident. I feel pretty great knowing it's not my hair that makes me womanly or sexy. I feel amazing looking in the mirror and knowing it's all the things I can't see that make me attractive. All that said however I'm very smitten with the hair cut!
Tomorrow I'll show you our new crib!! Between you and me I love it! It took me a while to really embrace it but I think it looks pretty fabulous. Now hopefully we can a baby in it before we have to get a third one!