Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm a womanizer, toxic, slave 4 U

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Years ago when Miss Spears first appeared on the music scene baring her midriff in a catholic school girl uniform designed by Hugh Hefner, I had a serious case of the sads. She pouted a lot and sang innocently about some guy hitting her one more time and was instantly famous. She's made millions by capitalizing on being both wholesome and a sex kitten, and I can't help but wish I'd gotten a tan, grabbed a kilt, and thought of it all first. In the 90's while I was hitting the clubs in mini skirts and halter tops I seriously overlooked the whole school girl fetish and in doing so lost my chance at fame and fortune and a permanent tan.

Still, Britney holds a special place in my envious heart. There is something so vacuous about her songs that makes her my ultimate guilty pleasure. My dirty little secret is that I love her dirty little melodies. As an ex-dancer one of my favourite things is to go to youtube and learn her routines. The woman is a phenomenal mover and shaker, and I like to think we are rehearsing together, you know, cause we're bff's and all. Being a little delusional is important to my overall ability to function in this world.

Yesterday Britney and I spent a couple hours together and I remembered a few things I had recently forgotten. One being, finding the fun is a good thing. Doug commented that all her songs are about making out with strangers, and if you can believe it he thought this was a "bad thing". I'm not saying we should all make out with each other (unless you're into that sort of thing), but I remember being an irresponsible and *possibly* intoxicated teen and everything was rather free spirited. Ok shallow is probably a better word, but what's wrong with shallow now and then? I don't want to go back there (I now have a 10 o'clock bed time and I'm pretty sure I can no longer pull off a mini skirt) but I sometimes wonder if there is a part of that unbridled enthusiasm and energy I should tap into more. I know 90 year olds who get out more than I do and it's recently occurred to me that's sort of sad. As Van Wilder famously said "You shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive."

As we wait for a court date our lives seems to once again be caught up in bureaucracy. I've been rather down and have forgotten to enjoy myself, my friends, and silliness. If all I have is today I don't want to spend it simply worrying about tomorrow. I'm not suggesting we develop peter pan syndrome, but it also may be a little premature to hand in our dancing shoes.

As I struggle with being on the other side of the world from my little man while Ethiopia is in the middle of a serious drought I worry. I worry a lot. I try to do what I can, but I feel helpless and useless 99% of the time. The other 1% I'm asleep. I can't even describe how much my heart hurts thinking of him spending more time in an orphanage especially under these circumstances. But as Van Wilder also said "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." All it's doing is making me crazier than I already am, so I need to get my butt out of the rocking chair and out on the dance floor (aka. my living room). Maybe I should invest in a top hat as well?

J xx