Wednesday, November 27, 2013

It Was Supposed to Be Sexy

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Because it's our 9th wedding anniversary and what better gift than sharing an embarrassing story with all of you. You'll have to excuse me as I bare my soul among other things today.

 A few years ago I thought it would be fun to take some "risqué" photos for my dear husband. I got myself all prettied up, put on some fancy ridiculously expensive underwear, and set up our computer to take what I hoped would be sexy yet tasteful very sexy pics. I mean if George Costanza could do it, surely I could give it the old college try.

 There I was in all my glory looking forward to surprising him and when the moment came (drum roll please) he looked at me like I was nuts and lectured me on the fact anyone could now have access to these pictures. This was rather anticlimactic in many ways as you can imagine. I mean he really seemed concerned that some cyber stalker had been waiting for this moment when amongst our boring old vacation photos of fully dressed people, my naked behind would suddenly appear. Given his reaction in all honesty I was hoping that was the case so at least someone would appreciate the effort.

 We looked at each other and while I thought I had married a total jack ass, he thought he'd married a clueless tart. We were both right to be fair.

 I never again attempted such a fiasco and promptly forgot about blocked out the entire experience... Until one evening when we had a couple friends over for our Friday night game night. We were sitting around listening to music chatting away when suddenly our two male companions leaned forward jaws dropped and said "whoa!" while eyeing the computer screen. I leaned forward to see what was so exciting and there I was. Our computer had gone to screen saver and was cycling through our photo albums and the pictures I had all but forgotten were flashing upon the screen. And let me tell you this, as embarrassing as said moment was, I still looked fabulous.

 Doug of course was shaking his head I think secretly relishing the fact he was indeed correct and naked pictures really do come back to bite you in the proverbial naked behind. And I was thinking of every single celebrity who has been caught in this same situation and wondering if flat out denying it was me would in fact work. It turns out no, that tactic in fact does not work.

 So let my embarrassing moment be a lesson to you all. That said I've been sitting here for five minutes now trying to pin point what exactly the lesson is... I suppose it's that if you're at all an exhibitionist floozy make sure you marry a like minded individual.

So Happy Anniversary my dear husband. I love you like crazy and I still firmly believe that when we're 90, you are going to be appreciating those pictures a heck of a lot more.

 J xx

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